Really? Really.

 

Several days later...

REALLY.

Happy Eleventh Anniversary, my darling Goliath.

You never forget your first. (the goodbye post)

Last night, as the Victoria Salmon Kings ended the Utah Grizzlies play off run in double over time, the chat room where a few of the youareahockeyfan blog readers were enjoying the game together went completely silent.  It wasn't just the loss after such an exciting and hopeful and hardworking game that despite the end result will always be memorable, it was the realization that the 2010-11 season was finished.  There was no work for the boys to check into the following day, no upcoming game, no required public appearance (that we're aware of yet.)

In a sense? The hot and steamy love affair that we've had with the best team the bosses have assembled in the last fifteen years was over and it was time to say goodbye.

What follows is my personal farewell to each of the guys, but I'd like to encourage each of my readers to leave their own farewell in the comments below too if they'd like.  I have my suspicions (and a few whispered confessions) that the boys regularly drop by the blog, so here's your chance.

Firstly, I have to acknowledge the Grizzlies management, all of them, for giving me the opportunity to be a part of the best team in the ECHL this year.  Several months ago I approached all of you with a plan to bring the team to the fans through a blog that wouldn't be weighed down by criticism or the dryness of statistics.  It would be an introduction to the personalities and the stories as experienced by someone new to the sport, new to the team, an unlikely figure to be adopted but nevertheless was.  I know that in some ways it was mission accomplished, but it never would have happened if not for your willingness to take the same leap.  It has meant the world to me, I am told it has made a difference to others, and I hope that next season we can make this even better together.  Thank you so much.

And now...onto the players....without whom this blog truly...truly...would be nothing...

(Simon, I'm saving you for last so you'll just have to wait. *insert evil laughter here*)

Which means Marcus Carroll is first of the players.

Dear Marcus, you were one of the first that I met, the first who actually gave me and Goliath the time of day, the first to doodle upon the infamous doodle jersey, and you were the first to recognize my camera while on the ice and to look me in the eye.  Long before Simon or any of the others realized where the camera that plastered them on the internet was, you were already posing for it like a pro.   If you don't know already, you should know how highly I think of your talent and how much I respect how good you are to the fans.  I'm there for warm-ups and I see you "missing" shots intentionally just so the puck flies up into the net and into the waiting hands of children below.   You make a lot of hearts melt every time and a lot of young fans very happy and you get nominated for the magnanimous bear award almost weekly for it.  I wish I had invented the awards earlier so you could have had your week, but even so...know that you are appreciated by many of the fans.  If you leave us, I shall miss you terribly...our agitator with the heart of gold.

Hiya Matt Reber!!!

Even though you are a late addition, you deserve a farewell too because you've made such a huge impression.  I can't say I've ever seen an ATO contribute more to a team than you have the last few weeks.  You gave it your all and you made a whole slew of fans in the process.  I respect your talent, your hard work, and your competitive spirit. You were a good sport to pose for a last minute portrait and doodle the "worst puck ever" on the jersey...even though it was, far and away, the BEST puck drawn on this jersey.   Here's hoping we see you again next year.  Should that be the case, I just may have to become an even bigger fan.

Hiya Tom May!

You are one of the few I can't say I know well, and it has always been a shame to me because you are an incredibly talented individual on the ice.  It has been such a joy to watch your awe-inspiring scoring streaks through the early months of this year.  You are so consistently good and I love how you make the stands shudder and rumble with cheers.  Tom May is on the ice and already we know something good is about to happen. You never disappoint.  And that makes you memorable and should you leave us...very very missed. Best of luck to you wherever you go.

Hiya Shea!

Shea, your smile can change the world.  I'm not kidding (....even though I decided to post a portrait of you chewing gum...I mean it.)  Thank you so much for always smiling and thank you for being one of only two players who spontaneously and sincerely hugged me when given their portrait (Tyler Sims was the other).  I was so surprised and it meant a great deal.  You seem so warm and good whether to hobble out of the doors in a towel to wave hello to your girlfriend or stopping on your way out the building to ask "how are you" with genuine interest in the answer.  A lot of fans were thrilled at your return and it has been my happy duty to learn why.  Best of luck to you, you genuinely sweet guy you, wherever you go...though of course, we all hope to see you wearing the green and copper again.

Hey Kevin!

Deether, you are something special. You really are.  There's a reason Goliath and I have spoiled you these last few months...you were one of the first we remembered and were totally awed by.  In those early days we would stand and cheer you on, "Go DEEEEAATTHHH!" because anytime you were on the ice it meant death for the other team's chance at scoring.  We have cheered you on as "Kev" and cheered you on as "Deeth" and "Deether" and "Death" and even the "Lionheart" for your amazing courage on the ice.  You are adored, respected, and admired.  What more can I say that I've not already said almost every week for months now?  I believe whole-heartedly in you, I always have, and I know that a guy as great as you probably won't be coming back, you'll go higher, you belong higher, and I won't get to cheer you on in the maverick center anymore if that's the case...but I'll still cheer for you wherever you go. 

Hiya Chris!

Chris Donovan.  The flirt. The rookie. The cheeky mischievous man with the Cheshire smile and the eyes that tease and taunt and scold and smoulder.  You are a wonderful colorful character...one day I shall write you into a story and only you and I and a very privileged few shall recognize your personal brand of merry talent.  I think I will give you a ridiculous name, but one that only this character with his wit and charm can pull off effortlessly.   Perhaps....oh...I'll leave you hanging.  After all, a character like you needs a devious writer like me to dangle you all along, right?  Don't worry, I'll make him a total badass.

Hiya Brent!

I do believe Goliath has had many more conversations with you than I have because of your mutual love of rugby and New Zealand, but nevertheless you should know that you are appreciated by me as well. I am grateful to you as a player-coach for helping this team get as far as it's gotten despite so many challenges this year.  Thank you so much!

Hiya Brett!

Wow, Brett.  I will miss you.  A few weeks ago I saw you smile like I've never seen you smile before.  I was explaining to JP the need to sign the doodle jersey.  As he argued his inability to draw, I nodded nonchalantly in your direction and said, "Brett did it" and there it was...you suddenly cracked a smile and said, "Yes I did," and then proceeded to recall precisely what you had drawn and where you had drawn it.  You're so quiet, so focused most of the time we see you that that spontaneous smile and recollection of yours took me by surprise and etched itself into memory.  And you are so damn talented.  And...last but not least, boy it is ever a treat for me as a photographer to get to see what lots of people don't....you swear an awful lot.   Such a sweet mild looking guy but if something goes wrong *&)T*^R)&^)&.  I repeat. I will miss you terribly.

Hiya Hugo!!!

Hey there, Hugo.  I'll always find it funny that I only started getting to know you after Max left, but I am so glad I have.  You've always waved us goodnight since, tolerated my weak french and Goliath's weaker french,  frequently stopped for a friendly chat, and been consistently humble and kind.  You were willing to say hello to our blog readers in french and I am very grateful for the time you've shared with us and your enthusiasm.  It's always exciting when you're on the ice and I truly truly truly hope we see you again.  Thank you, Hugo, for everything these last few weeks and best of luck to you wherever you go from here.

Hiya Riley!!!

Riley you already know how much Goliath and I admire and respect you.   You've been consistently good to us, and consistently good to many of the fans.  Thank you so much, you and Jen too, for always being willing to stop and help us out at the end of the night....whether to share a joke with readers of this blog, to sign a few posters for fans, answer questions or simply to have a chat.  My nephews look up to you a great deal and they're always pestering me for the latest tale of their champion.  You, like Kevin and Simon, were one of the very first players we learned to recognize and came to love, it has been a real privilege to watch the "most feared pair of fists" in the ECHL play for the Utah Grizzlies.  Thank you, Riley, for protecting this team and for being kind and tolerant of these two crazy bloggers.  Give our love to Jen, as well. 

Hiya Paul!!

Paul, I sure as heck will miss you, your sexy hair, and your mad mad talent.  You've only been with us the last month or so, but boy has it been a ride.  You are just so consistently good and I've never seen you put up with any crap.  We all over here at the blog can't help but admire you and wish you the very very best in the future.  I really hope you stay with us, but I wouldn't be surprised to see you snatched up elsewhere after the incredible performance you've put on here.   Take care and thanks so much for giving the Grizz your all these past few weeks.

Hey Brendan

Thank you so much for being the guy who kept me from giving up.  The first day I met you I was having an awful week, an awful year to be honest, and felt largely intimidated by what it was I was hoping to accomplish with this blog.  I didn't know you guys.  I didn't have experience in journalism or experience in the hockey industry and had just been hurt by the words, "Why would professional hockey players talk to you?"  By the time I approached you to interview you for the blog I was shaking in my shoes.  And then you smiled, laughed, and went along with the whole thing.  Five days later you still remembered who I was and you've been consistently kind to me ever since.   I will always be your fan and friend for it, no matter where you go. Thank you. 

Mr. Matt Clarke

You have a lot of fans and I don't think you realize this.  I realize this because I've met a lot of them and hear from a lot of them almost every week.    Matt, you're loved, you're talented, you're gorgeous, and we all wish to see you in the green and copper again but, if not, best of luck to you as always wherever you go.

Dear Matt Sorteberg

I have grown so very fond of you these last few months, it's true.   You have been kind and tolerant of me on days when I probably didn't deserve your patience.  You put up with tight hugs when you were bruised and aching and uninterested in having the stuffing squeezed out of your middle.   You tolerated my mothering when you lost your teeth and got a concussion.  You drew two adorable fish-things on the doodle jersey. Some nights you've stood there in the hall looking at me as though you half expected me to hug you whether you wanted it or not because you'd become so accustomed to me glomping you on your way out the door without permission.  You're a handsome sweet guy and a great hockey player as well...you made yourself a favourite of mine without even meaning to, I think.  I will probably be heartbroken if you leave us as a result, but I'll remain a permanent fan.  Take care and best of luck to you always.

Shulzy!!!

Hey David, I just wanted to say that I haven't forgotten about your request for pictures for your family.  If you do happen to read this...just email me...and over the summer as I go through the gazillion photos I have, I will send a few your way.   Other than that, thanks, for being such an incredible defenseman, for humouring me, for telling bad jokes and being one of those guys I'm always glad to see on the ice. 

Mr. Brock Wilson

The first time I met you I 1. recognized you immediately and 2. couldn't stop myself from wrapping my arms around your midsection which you didn't just tolerate at the time, but welcomed.  You've always been a fan favourite and it's always been easy to see why.  I can't thank you enough for putting up with me the last few months.  You're almost as good as Goliath at it.  From tolerating photos, chats, videos, and endless letters from fans you've proven again and again why you're more than just a hockey player.  You're an absolute ambassador for the sport and I respect you tremendously for it.  I have you to thank for giving me my first lesson in approaching professional athletes.  I know I've screwed up a million times with you and the entire team, but you've always set me straight, firmly but not unkindly, helping me to navigate this job.  You've been a mentor, you ARE a mentor. Not just to me, but to lots of people. So thank you.  And Brock,...do I even need to say it?  I will be very heartbroken if you are contracted elsewhere, you've become such a staple to this community, but no matter what...take care.

Hey Brian,

Thanks so much for always smiling, for always laughing and being cheerful around me. You are a ray of sunshine even when bruised.  Every time I see you it's always "don't worry about me, sweetheart, I'm just fine!"  Your optimism and cheer inspires me and if you leave us I will miss that the most about you.

Hey Giff,

Giffen, I can't help but feel you're one of those nice guys who gets a lot of crap and I can't figure out why.  I adore you.   In fact, I've decided you're a bit of a diamond in the rough, an overlooked sweetheart.   When you score a goal, you leap and dance and cheer in a way that makes all of our hearts leap with you.  You could be great someday and I hope you don't let all the BS life throws at you deter you from continuing to pursue excellence in yourself and in your game.  Take care, Giff.

Hiya Nick!

 

Thank you Nick for being one of the coolest guys I was privileged to meet in the beginning.  My nephews admire you, Goliath respects you, and you drew me a beautiful flower on the doodle jersey. You are a spectacular player, so much so I'm sure we probably won't be seeing you next year, and I will be very sad to lose you.  

JP

Haven't met you enough to really say goodbye to you, but I and everyone else will surely miss you. You are a tremendously talented goalie and despite not knowing me the few times we've run into one another you've been helpful and kind in every instance.  You are professional and brilliant and I know we likely won't be seeing you at the ECHL level again, which is as it should be.  Best of luck to you and thank you for helping to give us a phenomenal run.

Hey Engy

When you left us for the AHL, Goliath was truly upset.  Of all the players you were the one he wanted to meet the most and when you left he muttered about it every now and then. I grumbled right along with him because I too had never had the opportunity to meet you before then.   I am so grateful we got that opportunity later.  Thank you so much, Andrew, for being our most valuable player, for being the goalie we remember best and have loved.  There is greatness in you, always believed that, and we wish you the best, the absolute best, in all you pursue.  I hope we see you again, but in case we don't, thank you again and here's a hug and a handshake from myself and Goliath.

As for all of the other players we have seen come and go...the Crowders, Snetsinger, Ruesegger, my beloved Maxime Tanguay who if I bid farewell to will reduce me to a puddle of tears again, Samson Mahbod, Ryley Grantham, Tyler Sims, Marc Rinfret, Shane Connelly, etc.  Thank you for your contributions this year and thank you for everything when it came to this blog.  I won't forget any of you, especially those I came to know and love.

And last but not least.

Hi Simon,

You are the one I will miss the most and you are the one I have loved best.  And though it is possible I am wrong, there's a small part of me that suspects you're going to miss me too.   You're going to miss my near-constant declarations of your sexy awesomeness-incredible talent-occasional but trademark obnoxiousness, and my cheers of "YAY! I can finally go home!" when you emerge from the locker room...since, the closer it got to the end of the season the more important it became for me to say goodbye every night before I'd have to, well, really say goodbye. And I guess now it's time.   Simon, I think I'll always regret never getting to hug you and telling you in person all of the things I've said here in the blog.  It's just every time I see you, I feel like you already know. You know how I picked you from day one, declared you the best and have stood by you even when some of your actions have challenged me.  You know I'll be your fan and friend whether you end up in Europe or end up in AHL or end up wherever.  And I'll miss you terribly.  And if by some amazing chance I see you on the ice in the maverick center wearing another C on your chest next season...you had best watch out...because I'm not missing my next chance to wrap my arms around you and tell you thank you.    You've meant the world to me this year.  And know what? You're the first hockey player to give me a kiss, granted it was on the hand, but...you never forget your first right?  Simon, you're the best.  I said a lot of it when I wished you happy birthday a few weeks ago on the blog.  You changed my life.  Thank you.

One of the interesting things about great people is that they change things, they change people's lives without even realizing it.  You guys will never understand how you have and you may be completely bewildered to discover you have...but you have.  Great people do that.  I am so lucky, so so lucky to have gotten to know each of you.  I wish with all of the sincere love I have for you guys the very best wherever you go. I'm selfish, I want you here in Utah, but I also want you all to be happy and successful...so I'll say goodbye, but I'll never forget any of you.  Take good care of yourselves and keep changing lives...one kind smile, one amazing play at a time.

Alright, readers, I'm a big sobbing mess...it's your turn.

And oh yeah, Simon, one other thing.  EMAIL ME DAMMIT.  Should you proceed to drop off of the face of the earth I will not forgive you.  *points* *glares*  Email me updates please.  And the rest of you can do so too.

Goodbye.

Affirmed.

Affirm - (verb) to confirm, to establish or strengthen through fact. To agree, verify, or concure. To answer positively.

My favourite racehorse of all time is Affirmed, winner of the Triple Crown in 1978.  Even though the chestnut was the last horse to complete the near-impossible sweep, ridden by an eighteen year old wonder by the name of Steve Cauthen, he is largely hardly remembered for himself.  He came in the same decade as the immortal Secretariat and the exceptional Seattle Slew, also winners of the Triple Crown.  It was the same decade as Ruffian and Forego and Spectacular Bid.  And he came onto the scene ten years after Dr. Fager's spectacular season.   He was a brilliant animal appreciated only because of his rival, the horse who had dogged him from the beginning: the infamous Alydar.  Some days when the two horses faced one another, Affirmed won.  On other days it was Alydar.   When the Triple Crown season rolled in, there were no other horses but Affirmed and Alydar and no one quite knew who it was who would come out on top.

It's very interesting to me now as someone who writes and photographs for both sports that horseracing's Triple Crown season and hockey's playoff seasons coincide so spectacularly.  As the field for the Kentucky Derby begins to take shape so do the playoff brackets and the rosters of the teams who have made it thus far. People who don't usually watch horseracing tune in to see the Kentucky Derby and the Preakness and the Belmont.  People who don't usually watch ice hockey are surprised to find the road to the Stanley Cup on regular channels.  

As the Utah Grizzlies prepared to face the Victoria Salmon Kings on the same weekend as some of the final major Kentucky Derby preps, I wasn't quite sure what to expect.  Only four months earlier,  JP Lamoureux and the rest of the Grizzlies had bent the fish over the knee and given them a sound spanking in the form of a double shut-out during the New Year.  In March however....with the Grizzlies badly depleted, discouraged, and hurting it was the experienced Kings turn to hit the Grizzlies over the backside with a switch.    Some weekends we dominated. Other weekends they did.  They looked at us and remembered the New Year.  We looked at them and remembered March.

Friday night, with minutes remaining to the puck drop, both teams cautiously surveyed the other.  Nick Tuzzolino swung wide around the net,  large shoulders squared like a battering ram.  Matt Clarke, swift and smooth, made large sweeping ovals.  Brett Parnham, Kevin Deeth, and Simon Ferguson shared the same expression; eyes turned down to the ice, deep in thought, the lines of their face pinched.  Tonight the Salmon Kings were aware that they were getting the team that had shut them out with a few new interesting additions in Matt Reber, Shea Guthrie and Paul McIlveen.  Pacing on the shoreline of the creek, the Grizzlies observed the nemesis that had just beaten the Pacific champs...driving the entire division out of the finals.  There was an obvious wariness to the posture of both camps as they eyed one another, the way race horses do in the post parade; one eye on the competition, the other on the starting gate before walking in...a nervous sweaty lather already building up. 

When the black disk hit the ice and the sticks clacked together with a loud resonant crack, it was like a gunshot from the old days announcing the start of the race.  There was the bang of the sticks and the sudden rush of team colors and the bodies wearing them. 

Kevin Deeth will not give this one up easily.

The Salmon Kings burst out of the water with speed and with a surprising amount of physicality to their game.  They wasted no time accosting star players and were quick to spring upon the puck wherever it went, forcing many of the Grizzlies to skate faster and more aggressively than has been required in quite some time. 

The fast and aggressive Salmon Kings challenge Matt Clarke...and my camera.

And it seemed the Grizzlies had a game plan which was, aside from winning, to serve as few penalties as possible (thus, aiding the whole winning thing). On our side, it was the cleanest bit of hard work I'd seen since the Sunday overtime game back in March that saw Giffen Nyren land a game-winning goal.

Giffen Nyren (55) seeks to repeat earlier success.

On the other side....

The most uncool thing I've seen on the ice all month.  Seriously, Victoria?

There was Adam Taylor (21, Salmon Kings) holding Brett Parnham (28, Grizzlies) down on the ice by his head.   No, this wasn't a fight that Adam "won", this was a collision from which Taylor refused to budge from, effectively pinning Brett Parnham under his chest and shoulders as he laughed (Oh, I heard him laughing through that little hole in the glass as he muffled Brett's obvious curses and demands to get off of him) and watched and waited for his team to succeed while he kept Brett "occupied."   It has to be one of the lowest dirtiest things I've seen this year, compounded only by his completely bogus display of "I've fallen and I can't get up and Brett Parnham just happens to be underneath me" and equally bogus concern over Brett's condition when the linesmen finally noticed what was going on.

No one was fooled.  Except the ref. Go figure.

If only the officials had done more to Adam other than saying, "Get off of him."

Now, it's true I love myself a good villain and so do a lot of people.  Darth Vader is a prime example. My favourite player, Simon Ferguson, has more penalty minutes than anyone else, I adore Riley Emmerson (though he plays for us now), I have an admitted soft spot for Garet Hunt of the Stockton Thunder, and my very first hockey love was Maxim Lapierre of all people, but I can't say I feel any sort of merry love of darkness concerning Adam Taylor for this.   This which was compounded even further by the lack of a penalty.  The guy got away with it, leaving myself and everyone else reeling back in anger.  And it wasn't only Brett Parnham at the receiving end of this sort of game. In the end, it was one of those nights where our team played hard and clean and we still got beat.

Wishing them goodnight after the game, I considered the possibility that Saturday night would see a different outcome.  After all, here were the Grizzlies walking out with smiles and confidence in every step.  There was none of the disappointed feet dragging or mumbled "goodnight, see ya tomorrows"  I sometimes get after a bruising loss. Even Brendan Milnamow with a stitched up lip still had a sparkle in his eye and a pleasant smile.  Tomorrow is another night, they seemed to say, with every relaxed bound up the steps and out the door.

When we scored the first goal of the night on Saturday and I got to take pictures of it with my new replacement lens (long story that, but already posted about it),  I felt like jumping up and clicking my heels together.   And then we had a stroke-inducing "barely" moment in which several Utah players collided and collapsed to the ice leaving the net wide open, those players still up, however, managed to shove the Salmon Kings far away just in the nick of time.

Nick Tuzzolino and Matt Clarke collide and barely escape the Salmon King's scoring against them.

The gasp in the arena became like a great vacuum, a collective sucking in of the breath, and then a collective exhale of relief that transformed into rapturous shouts....the entire lot of us not sure whether to curse or cheer and the vast majority doing both simultaneously.  For a period of time it seemed like the hockey gods were on our side and when I saw Simon Ferguson charging down the ice in the second period...I could feel the energy level shifting in our favour.  Something good was coming.

Simon Ferguson is seconds away from making another beautiful assist.

He was coming around behind the net and I figured he was going to do his classic wraparound, the shot he does so well, but off it went for Nick to finish and the moment the lights went up, he turned, his posture proud but also relieved, and he looked in my direction as if to say, "Did you see that one coming, my dear? Good. Now take my victory shot. I'm waiting."   But before I could the boys collided together in celebration and I turned to the big boss behind me and said, "That's my boy, you know."

With a pleased smile, he nodded to the number three I always wear and said, "I know."

Little did either of us know that less than a minute later the entire momentum of the game would shift in the other direction as Chris Donovan took a stick/elbow to the face not three feet in front of a linesman who did...absolutely...nothing.   I shouldn't have been surprised.  The team shouldn't have been surprised.  But we were.  And as Chris Donovan recovered, pushing himself back up to his feet, the Salmon Kings were already celebrating their third goal, the boos from the slight against Chris swelling to an ever greater crescendo:  "Ref you suck! Ref you suck!" 

Utah Grizzlies Coach Kevin Colley disputes the goal and the overlooked penalty as player Shea Guthrie looks on.

The lesson that would come out of the second straight loss for the Grizzlies in this series was, in my opinion, that we cannot expect justice from the officials....nor can we really demand it from the other team during playoffs, but despite this realization that there really was nothing we could do to make them see the obvious...I was left feeling affirmed that our team is the better team.

And let me tell you why.

If you spend just a few minutes every game night with each one of them as I do, looking through the lens, or chatting after the game, you see something that makes all the difference.  They are humble. Humility is not timidity, it is not a lack of confidence...it is a grounding in humanity.  It is accepting fallibility and learning from it. It is an appreciation for others and an acknowledgment of their roles in our success.  It is key to the success of any individual, and it is absolutely indispensable in a team.

Nick Tuzzolino reassures Simon Ferguson.

The same night they lost that second game I watched as they came and signed a poster I had brought for a young boy who was undergoing chemotherapy having just learned he has leukemia days ago.  The moment I mentioned who the poster was for and what he and his family were going through the entire countenance of each player changed...a brief shift in perspective that made the loss seem temporarily insignificant to everyone signing that poster glaringly apparent.  Their overwhelmingly enthusiastic response affirmed my belief in them.  When the captain of a professional hockey team stops on his way out the door to record a video wishing that young man the strength to endure what's coming, you can't help but feel you've got the best captain and the best team in the ECHL.

I also believe in this team because I know they're hungry.  When you're already humble, it's easy to simply be boys who love to play hockey...and the boys who love to play hockey are the boys who win.  It's not about the desperation I saw in Victoria.  That's not the right kind of hunger.

The reason I love the racehorse Affirmed more than any other horse is this:  when he ran the Belmont, the final jewel in the Triple Crown, Affirmed who was always in front and never behind, was suddenly passed by his arch nemesis Alydar in the stretch with only a furlong to go.  Many people in the stands at Belmont park including the track announcer thought it was over, Alydar had passed Affirmed.  And then something remarkable occurred.  Affirmed switched leads and came back and passed Alydar with only seconds to go.   It's one thing to win a race.  It's another to win a race when you've been in front and are suddenly passed.  Some horses?  It breaks them, it breaks their heart when they get bumped or jostled and passed in the stretch.  But a great horse.  An Affirmed?  He comes back.